German Shepherd Dog Property Laws

• If I like it, it's mine.
• If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
• If I can take it from you, it's mine.
• If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
• If it is mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
• If I am chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
• If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
• If I saw it first, it's mine.
• If you are playing with something and put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
• If it is broken, it's yours.

"Fw: German Shepherd Dog Property Laws." E-mail to the author.

n.d.

"How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?"

• Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
• Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
• Rottweiler: Make me
• Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please?
• German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
• Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
• Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...
• Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Excerpt from "Fw: Dog Rules." E-mail to the author. n.d.